I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
