Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
