So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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