that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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