We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
