Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
my poor anus
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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