I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
