I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
