Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
