chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
