She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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