he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
