Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
