Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize