I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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