they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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