This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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