So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
