So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
