So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She told me I should be a condom model.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
