I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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