I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
