Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
