Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
