whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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