my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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