Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
