WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Randomize
