planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
it glows. i had to have it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
