We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize