Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
