names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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