i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
