I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize