I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
