oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
