shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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