dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
