dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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