we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
