i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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