I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
