i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
