I just cut my nipple shaving
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you will always have a special place in my vag
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
