u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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