Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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