we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
