I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Randomize
