I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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