Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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