What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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