Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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