At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
