i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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