when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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