They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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