I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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