just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
