Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
