her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
