Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
