I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
