I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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