Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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