i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
