I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
