every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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