Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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