Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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