Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
