Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
