i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
