She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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