At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
