At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
