My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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