I wanna passion pit in your ass
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
