so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
