She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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