i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
