Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
