im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
