I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
