I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
