sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
