Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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